Complaining

You're so busy with everything else. It seems like you don't really want me anymore. I'm starting to believe it, too.
It's not like anyone else wants me, why should you? Why would you?
No one here wants me. No one here cares enough to ask if I'm okay when they see the scars on my wrists.
Not one damn person has noticed. I don't go out of my way to hide them, either. Sometimes I wonder if there's a point to the agony.

I'm getting better. Y'know. Emotionally. I'm still depressed, but not nearly as much as I was a few weeks ago.
Also. I'm sorry for not updating as much as I should. I'm a terrible person, I know.
I've refrained from self-harm for quite a while now. About 2 months, I believe.
Uhm. I'm still at 1/2" on my earlobes. They're healed, now, though.
I got glasses.
Yup.

Welp. Let me update you guys a bit. I know people read this shit. Don't know why.

I have a boyfriend, we started dating the 8th of this month. I lost another ten pounds. I'm still depressed. I'm at 1/2" on my earlobes.

Yup.

Of course. I knew my sister being kicked out would never last. She can't handle being on her own for more than a week.
She's an immature, stuck up brat who has to rely on someone else to take care of her. She's already got a kid, and she's only 21. Seriously.

Y'know. My life's getting progressively better.

I honestly don't know what to do with myself now that I'm happier. I've never really been happy.

I just don't know.

Is that odd?

My sister got kicked out. That's a good thing.

Those of you who use Internet Explorer, stop.

My family's always so ungrateful for the things I help them do. Mostly when it comes to basic things you have to do around the house, such as clean the living room, wash dishes, doing the laundry, etc. But the thing that pisses me off is the fact that when I do help them, they may say thank you, but they don't mean it. I helped my mother yesterday with my sister's baby, because when my sister goes to work, we have to watch him. (She still hasn't moved out. Probably won't. Ever.) Well, I helped my mother keep him quiet and busy while she did things around the house. She didn't thank me. And today, she asked me to get her a blanket (she already was underneath one), I said that she was fine, and she replied in a very rude manner, "I guess I have to do everything around the house on my own." I wanted to just scream at her. My sister had been asleep all day today, and my mother was watching her baby again, for the millionth time. I refused to get her the blanket, because I would have had to dig through several of our closets just to find one, and I was just too lazy. I know I should have done it, but she wouldn't have done the same for me, so fuck her.
Also, the past couple of days, my mother's said something about my sister or my dad, and I simply told her, "They wouldn't have given you the same courtesy, why should you?" I understand the golden rule, but fuck. My parents never do a damned thing for me, unless I beg them to.
Another thing that has pissed me off, my sister promised to cut my hair for me on a day that she has off, but every day she has had off from work, she's refused to. And I'm getting sick of it.
I know these things are just trivial, but they hit home for me. They just piss me off to no end.

I've decided to not name this post. For I don't see a reason in naming these anymore. I simply just need to vent here. Now whether or not someone is actually reading these, actually paying attention, I don't give a shit.
This is for me to just vent. To rant to people that I have never met.
I've also considered to start talking to volunteers on imalive.org. It's a good idea, I think. I can vent to someone, and get real, sensible advice.
I'm feeling a bit suicidal, but I could never commit suicide. It's selfish. I'm not saying it's cowardly. Just selfish.
I have no idea where I would be if I had not had a terrible life. I wouldn't be the person I am today. And for that, I am thankful. But I am not going to stand here, and just watch my parents deteriorate me to nothing.

Society

In the words of my friend Hunter,

"We live in a society that has it's head so far up it's ass when it comes to trying to have everyone be a saint, that it is causing legitimate issues.

If you have a belief, no matter how immoral or absurd it is nor how much it negates thousands of years of advancement in the human intellect, we have to "respect" it. I will not even begin to delve into the hypocrisy involved in acting nice to someone who's religious beliefs contradict yours. When your religion (Which is almost every single one out there, even Buddhism in certain ways) promotes an intolerance toward another belief or idealism, the choices you have are either to not follow your religion and tolerate them anyways, or express the fact that their views contradict yours and say EXACTLY what you have on your mind... And I say that primarily due to how many religions conform to the stereotype of having it's followers atleast ATTEMPT to spread the religion to nonbelievers.

Racism and Sexism in our society is a big "no-no", yet there is such a double standard on it we might as well not even bother chastising people for it anyways. Due to how it's come to be viewed, any race other than Caucasian is seen as impossible to classify as racist. Only white people are viable of being accused of racism. The same applies to sexism. Generally, when you think of sexism, you think of men, don't you. Not women. Oh no, that's ludicrous.

The poor are to be pitied, but by consequence, we are indoctrinated into the idea that the rich are the equivalent of Hades, Luscifer, and Cthulu. We are taught to believe this bullshit where you are only rich if you are a Conservative Republican that inherited all their money. Money is just fucking evil isn't it? So then people vote for people who promise to put heavy taxes on these people, even if these people went from poor to rich and actually EARNED their way to the top.

Not to mention, our society is taught to discriminate against the whole, and not specific parts. Rather than saying "The oil company is made up of greedy bastards", our society says "rich people are made up of greedy bastards".
Did you know that a good 70% of these "Fat rich slobs" provide services you practically live off of, not to mention another good percentage is actually out there to help you?

Oh yeah, markets in financial aid actually exist.
In fact, that's where MY family background comes from.
But that doesn't matter, everyone else felt perfectly fine with letting the government dig their greedy hands into our pockets. Why? Because we were "rich".
And money is clearly what makes people happy, not friendship, love, or hobbies.

Our society fucking REVOLVES around intolerance, not tolerance.
How? It' because we aren't taught to respect EVERYONE, we are taught to respect CERTAIN people and to despise the other prospects.

So get off your high horse people, you're no better than the people you're bickering about."

Ugh.

So. Several things have happened lately.

1. I dyed my hair purple.
2. My dad has a new job.
3. My sister's baby is an asshole.
4. I'm signing up for next year's classes.
5. I ran out of incense.
6. I burned myself about three more times since I last posted.
7. I fell in love with a guy, and he dumped me today.
8. I ran out of weed.

YEP. THAT'S ALL.

Too Good To Be True

My dad won't get off his ass, and Will won't speak to me. Things were going too good, and I just knew, deep down, that they weren't going to last.

Good Things All Around.

My sister's moving out, my boyfriend (Will), is visiting me earlier than Christmas, if possible, and my dad's getting a job. Everything's going great. I just have to ask myself, what it going to go wrong? Whenever everything goes great, it always goes bad at some point. I just hope that something bad doesn't happen for a while.