I Don't Know

I don't know what to do with myself.

I've only had one local relationship. The rest have been long distance. That one local relationships lasted a month. She was adorable. She was perfect. I miss her. She was gender fluid. Gender fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. She didn't mind that I was overweight, or that I was too emotional, or that I self-harmed. While I was dating her, I never had suicidal thoughts. I didn't feel like I was worthless. I had no negative thoughts. Of course we had to hide our relationship from our parents, because they're both narrow minded bigots. But, nonetheless, we had fun during our relationship. She was insane. She had the entire book The Lorax by Dr. Seuss memorized. She had an unhealthy obsession with the Once-ler. She read Homestuck, and tried to get me to read it. But, I just couldn't get into it.

Anyways. We dated for a month. She was one of the best things that happened to me. She boosted my confidence, but ofcourse it then got shot down by my family. They continually asked, "What the fuck happened to you?" But I couldn't answer, because if I did, then I would get a good talking to. When the relationship ended, I proceeded to cry at every moment I got. Even infront of my friends, which I didn't normally do.

All of my friends were supportive of our same sex relationship. I told all of my friends. I didn't mind people at school knowing because every I knew was supportive for us. They all thought we were a cute couple.

I know I won't get another chance with anyone here. Everyone here thinks I'm too rough around the edges to be sensitive to someone. But I can be. I can..