Self-Harm

Self-harm is not limited to things such as: burning yourself, cutting yourself, etc. Self-harming is just you mutilating yourself either physically or mentally. I do burn myself. Not frequently, but somewhat often.

Most people do it because it helps them. For me, I do it because I think I deserve the pain I am giving myself. It started when I was ten.

I.. I uh, started, because I had broken up with a guy that loved me, but I did not feel the same way. I hurt him, badly. So, I burned myself. It was just with the head of a lighter, too. The second time was when I had fallen inlove with a guy. It was about a year afterwards. For the record, I'm still inlove with him, and we still talk. I burned myself a second time, because I felt as though I had hurt him, when really, he was the one who had hurt me. Ofcourse I was a naive little girl, then. I've got about five more burns. Two are very recent. Recent, as in days ago recent. Anyways. The other three were scattered throughout the past few months. I burned myself about.. Three months ago, because of ex Sophie. The cute girl I wrote about on here not too long ago. I burned myself because I deserved it. I had asked her out. I had caused her to be harassed. It was my fault. I pursued her. And then, recently, the other two times were because I just simply felt guilty for someone else's depression. If I had somehow kept him in my grasp, then he would not have been hurt.

That's just simply how I felt. How I will always feel. I also feel as though I'm just a burden against my own family. If I hadn't been born, then none of this would have ever happened to my family. They wouldn't have had to move from TN. They would have been able to live there, happily. I wouldn't have caused them so much trouble. If I had just never been born, then they wouldn't have had to suffer through losing all this money that could have gone towards them.

I'm just a burden to my own family. I don't deserve to live.